Agassi, A. (2009). Open: An Autobiography.
Status: Read
Andre Agassi's biography is a story of a tortured artist. The childhood prodigy who finds himself trapped in a life of his father's dreams. He attains the number one ranking in tennis despite his professed hatred for the sport. His tyrannical father picked his path, and his relentless obsession with perfectionism got him there. It was only in the mid-stages of his career that he discovered that he didn't hate tennis, but it was what he desired all along.
What is the single unifying theme? What was the turning point?
Sustainable change is identity change. You need to reprogram your beliefs to live and breathe your vision, and to sustain a relentless drive for continual improvement.
After Agassi's devastating loss at the finals of the French Open, Gil, his trainer, offered one of his mother's stories to remind Agassi of his goal and build up his confidence.
Que lindo es soñar despierto. How lovely it is to dream while you are awake. Dream while you are awake, Andre. Anybody can dream asleep, but you need to dream all the time, and say your dreams out loud, and believe in them.
Even if we are not chasing grand slams, we must have a meaningful vision where we can pursue something greater than ourselves. See The necessity of a vision.
Use a mental chant as a constant reminder of the need to change.
Change. Time to change, Andre. You can't go on like this. Change, change, change—I say this word to myself several times a day, every day, while buttering my morning toast, while brushing my teeth, less as a warning than as a soothing chant. Far from depressing me, or shaming me, the idea that I must change completely, drom top to bottom, brings me back to center. For once I don't hear the nagging self-doubt that follows every personal resolution. I won't fail this time, I can't because it's change now or change never. The idea of stagnating, of remaining this Andre for the rest of my life, that's what I find truly depressing and shameful.
Repressed desire can manifest as hate. When we desire something that appears out of reach, rather than enjoy in the process, we may instead loathe putting in the work it takes to get there. In its strongest form, this hatred is an attempt to protect our fragile confidence and psyche from failure. Agassi came to this realization in 1995:
The more I think about winning all four slams, the more excited I become. It's a sudden and shocking insight into myself. I realize this is what I've long wanted. I've simply repressed the desire because it didn't seem possible, especially after reaching the final of the French Open two years in a row and losing… I decide that I will chase this Grail, full speed ahead.
When you feel resentment or hate, ask yourself: why is it that I feel this way? Consult your resentment. If you discover that the source of the problem is within and not without, then you must shoulder the responsibility and Do the work.
I hate tennis more than ever—but I hate myself more. I tell myself, So what if you hate tennis? Who cares? All those people out there, all those millions who hate what they do for a living, they do it anyway. Maybe doing what you hate, doing it well and cheerfully, is the point. So you hate tennis. Hate it all you want. you still need to respect it—and yourself.
Perfectionism is micro-optimizing. Perfection is not a winnable game. It is an ever receding target, and exerts a toll on your confidence. Agassi demanded perfection on every shot, but failed to recognize the cost to his confidence and success. What is demanded is not perfection, but consistency. Excellence is a habit.
You always try to be perfect, he says, and you always fall short, and it fucks with your head. Your confidence is shot, and perfectionism is the reason. You try to hit a winner on every ball, when just being steady, consistent, meat and potatoes would be enough to win ninety percent of the time.
Perfectionism is voluntary. Train your mind to recognize when perfectionism is demanded, and learn to turn it off when it is not.
Perfectionism is something I chose, and it's ruining me, and I can choose something else. I must choose something else. No one has ever said this to me. I've always assumed perfectionism was like my thinning hair or my thickened spinal cord. An inborn part of me.